He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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