I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
