Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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