I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize