come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
