How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
