if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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