So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
