If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
