Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize