I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
