Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
