Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize