And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
