dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize