someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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