I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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