so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
