Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
