I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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