apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
