Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
