I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
