i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
