I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Every concussion has its silver lining
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
