i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
