Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize