he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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