I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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