hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
