i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dignity is for republicans.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
