why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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