Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
