No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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