Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
