My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
