It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
