Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
