Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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