that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
