im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
