my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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