there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
is that a dick in a sweater?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
