And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My vagina is officially offended.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
