Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I smell stomach acid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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