I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
