I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
