why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
