Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
