So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
