OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
