Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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