Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
