The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
