I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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