First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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