he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
