somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
