if you like me you must not know who I am
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
