she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
