Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
