there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
porn star boner night. come get it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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