I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
