Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
