We named our party play list daddy issues
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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