Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
