dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
