i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
