She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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