I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
