Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sorry my hands just texted you
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
