when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
