Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
why does every cop we meet know your name?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
