there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
