no, he came in my armpit
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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