If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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