She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
