watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
