I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
