Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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