My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Text me some of your sweat
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