first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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