U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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