Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
